16. The one that got away.

The boy and I survived his 4 month long trip to the des. Intact. We survived the "longer distance" portion of our perpetual "long distance relationship". In a few months, it'll be a year. Good lard.

In a few months, it'll also be a year since I stopped seeing multiple boys at the same time. That, I don't regret. Except for when a really cute boy is on the bus and I want to just ride the bus till wherever he is going. Then, I just want to club the boy on the head. Monogamy while one in the couple is unconscious is just ridiculous, so it excuses the other's actions. [This argument will not hold in court. If you're married, please do not try to use this as legal advice. Just a reminder] But I didn't. I'm nice like that.

Except for the times I think about the guy we will refer to simply as the one that got away, or TOTGA (pronounced toga, or to-go, depending on your preference). In a few months, it will be a year since I stopped seeing him. I use the term "seeing him" rather loosely, for the fellow was in the des. All through our flirting and courting and.. um, dating. All thanks to the marvels of technology like the laptops and the webcams and the interwebs. I am less surprised by the fact I built a "relationship" with totga than I am by me and the boy lasting his international trip. I wonder if that means something.

15.

Six months later. So much has happened. I nearly lost my job. I got a new job. I made a new friend. I alienated my parents... again. And amidst all this I have a new boy. *A* boy. One, single boy. For the past six months. One boy. Long gone are the days when I had multiple boys. So long that I don't even tantrum about that anymore. Atleast not to the boy. He's *still* a little sensitive about it. He's kind of a sap like that. But he was so strict about this "you can't date other boys" business. I asked him if I could date other girls and he denied me that too. Selfless love is a lie. Love makes people selfish, apparently.

Look at me, catching all of you up on my life. Like any of you care. You just come here to get your dose of strange voyeuristic peek at my life. But I show it to you. Voluntarily. Which makes me an exhibitionist. I wonder how the boy feels about that.

14.

"Mugs? You want to take a theory about mugs and apply it to men?"

"Not mugs. Tea cups. And not some random theory. A buddhist teaching. To see a teacup as already broken. I mean, I'm bound to drop this cup one day. Or lose it. Or give it away. Nothing in life is permanent. There is no point getting attached. I can not live in fear of breaking it. I don't want to 'protect' the fragile thing at all times. I realize it is going to break someday, and I make my peace with it"

"So you're being indifferent to it? If you've already lost it - or at any rate, are eventually going to lose it - why would you care. You are going to fling it around in the wrong notion that it has to break anyway?"

"On the contrary. I don't store it in bubble wrap and packing nuts but neither do I play fetch with it. Instead, I use it, love it's unique design and shape, appreciate it. Cherish the times I have with it. And when it does shatter, I let it. I feel the sadness and pain of having broken the cup, the memories of all the rainy days; but no regret, because I knew fully well that it had to happen. I will miss the broken cup, but I will allow myself to pick up another one without guilt. And enjoy and cherish that one just as fully."

"I still maintain that men and fine china are not interchangeable"

13. Boyzone

Suddenly there are too many boys. Turns out, all one needed to do to get a boy, is to say that one wanted a boy. That sounds too good to be true, right? But sometimes, if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Anyway. So many boys. Boys who are so far away that even the long arm of the law is not long enough to reach out and hug them. And then boys so near I can practically eat off their plate without too much trouble.

The boys far away want emotional commitment. I don't think I even know what that means. The boys closer want cuddles. That is always welcome. There are boys somewhere in between who are my favorite pillow talkers. Presently, between all these multiple boys, I have one whole boy. A complete boy made up of parts of different boys. (Gross imagery unintended.) That's cool, right? I'm the adjusting types. Not too demanding. I'll take whatever you can offer, kinds. Wait, that makes me sound like a charitable organization. I don't know if I'm cool with the implications of that. Wait. I don't even know what the implications are. Will someone enlighten me?

And amidst all this, there is some kind soul out on the interwebs, who is being my, um, wellwisher and suggesting other blogs to date mine. If you're reading this, I've been trying hard to track you. I need to tell you more about my preferences, not that the work you've done so far is any less than acceptable (Dear prospective date blog, my blog is winking at you); just that I was hoping you could do me some matchmaking favors as well. My blog might be elitist and refuse to date other blogs, but I am certainly not.

As far as the boys in my life presently reading this, I lurve you all, without prejudice. But some more than others. I hope that's cool with you.

12. There is something about Maragadhavalli alias Mary

"Macha. I lou you man"
"Me too man, me too"
"You mean you lou yourself. Selfish fellow"
"And others apart from you as well"

***********

"Don't you wonder what it feels like, to fall in love with someone; to throw caution to the wind"
"...and pledge affection and commitment with reckless abandon?"
"Look around you! People are diving in headfirst, and all you can do is gingerly put your toes in the water"
"Maybe I am better off dry!"
"Then you don't have the right to whine and complain about dry spells!"

*********

Tell me this, boys, aren't you supposed to be the sex that is freaked out by exclusivity and commitment? Aren't you supposed to want to play the field? Then why does every boy I want to date want me to fall in louwes with him? And in louwes only with him? It didn't used to be like this, boys. Is it because you have grown older now? Do you have some kind of biological clock that is ticking away that we don't know about? Is this what I get for asking gender stereotypes to be broken? Is this what too many Disney movies with extraspecialeffects does to people?

While I try to get to the bottom of this, if anyone of you tells me about soulmates, I will egg your face. If you want to talk about solemates (the shoe sole kinds, not the "you are my wunnandwunly; my sole mate" kind. I don't want to talk about the latter) or molemates (the macham kind, not the vermin kind. Although, I don't mind talking about the latter) on the other hand... grab a chair!